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Help Desk

Early one morning a chicago employee of one of the worlds largest sofware companies received a telephone call from a distressed man with a Lancisher accent. the coversation was recorded.

“Technical desk how may i help?2

“Hello this is Tony,im calling from Darwin.”

“OK Tony take your time.How may I help”

“IM having trouble with your programme,”

“What sort of trouble sir?”

“Its terrible I was typing along and all a sudden the words went away.”

“Went away?”

“They disappeared. I looked round the back but they’re not there eather.”

“OK so what does the screen look like now sir?”



“Its blank. It wont do anything.”

“Are you still in our programme,sir,or did you get out?”

“How do I tell?”

“Well can you see the programme window on the screen?”

“Whats a programme window? Janice never told me about them.”

“Whos Janice?”

2The nice lady in the computer shop:

2Fine.tell me sir, can you move the curser around the screen?”

“There isn’t any curser . I told you it wont do anything.”

“Does the monitor have a power on light?”

“What’s a monitor?”

“It’s the thing that looks like a t.v. Now does it have a little light to tell you when its on?”

” I dont know.”

“Can you please look at the back of the monitor and see where the mains lead goes into it.Can you see that?”

“Yes I can.”

“Great now follow that cable to the plug and tell me if it’s plugged into the wall”

“Hold on . Yes it is.”

“When you were behind the monitor did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it,not just one?”


“Well there are and I would like you to look again and find the other cable.”

“Right I’ve found it.”

“Follow it for me and tell me if it’s plugged securely into the back of your comuter.”

“I can’t reach”

“Can you see if it is?”

“no it’s too dark”

“too dark?”

“Yes all the lights are out.”

“Well then ,sir,can you turn them on?”

“I can’t We’re having a power cut.”

” A power cut? Okay, we’ve got it sorted now sir, Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing that your computer came in?”

“Yes I Do why?”

“Good go get them,then unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you bought it. Then take it back to Janice in the shop you bought it from.”

“Really? Is it that bad?”

“Yes sir. I’m afraid it is.”

“Oh dear.What do iI tell Janice when I take it back?

“Just tell her you’re too stupid to own a computer.”

Hope this made you laugh,

Brian Hennigan’s

Scotish Urban Myths

Aspire will be at                                                                                    Wear Vision
Stadium of Light

On the 7th November 2012